02.25.08
Wondering
(crossposted from here)
When I was home with the flu, I had a lot of time to think about things that weren’t related to school and homework. Those things were not on my flu-addled mind during those three days I was out of class… but, this was: Would my life have been different if I never had a weight problem?
I’d like to take the easy way out and say no, that I’m still the same person regardless of what it says on the scale. But, after thinking about it, I think now that my life would have been different, though I have no idea how it would have been different.
Because I’m considered by most standards as being overweight, do people treat me differently, or do they tend to look at me like anyone else, where my personality, my human-ness, and my feelings are measured?
If I had always been thin, for example, would life for me have been easier, or more difficult?
I really don’t know, because I’ve never been what is considered “thin”. I’ve always been curvy and voluptuous. In high school, when I was relatively thin (compared to now), I was still called fat because I didn’t look like the thin, popular girls as far as to what my body looked like.
I think I would have been well endowed (can’t fight heredity, it seems), and for some men, that’s all they care about. And the curvyness of my physique is because of heredity as well. It’s something I can’t help, sorry.
However, there are weight issues on both sides of my family… my maternal grandmother, all 4′ 10″ of her, was overweight most of my life until she passed away in 1989. My paternal aunt is also overweight, and again, for most of my life. She’ll be 90 years old in August. Heart disease doesn’t really run in my family, though diabetes does (my grandmother mentioned above was diagnosed with it late in life).
It’s taken a long time for me to accept who I am, and what I look like. I’ve gotten to the point in my life that I like who I am, what I look like for the most part, and that makes me happy. Could I stand to lose weight? Of course. I know that carrying all this excess is hard on my joints and other parts of my body. But, as I’ve said before in other posts, and out in the “real” world, I’m not going to kill myself trying to lose weight to meet society’s definition of “thin” or “sexy”. I’m going to just be Stef, and if “they” can’t handle me as I am, then tough. If I change, it will be because of me, because I want to, not because someone wants to “change” me (my ex tried that, and it didn’t work).
This is me, ladies and gentlemen… deal with it.
I have people who like me and love me just the way I am. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
That’s all from the Big Blue Couch.
–MorelaterZ–
02.22.08
It all makes sense now…
The brick wall I hit when this month started was called coming down with the flu.
Though I didn’t actually get sick with the flu until February 12th, I think I had been exposed to the virus long before that. That, I think, explains a lot of the out of sorts feelings I’d been having.
The flu is running rampant around here. It’s almost insane the way everyone seems to be getting it, even if they’ve had the most recent flu shot. We now know that the flu shot does NOT cover this strain of the flu.
I hadn’t had the flu in about 4 years, and this took me totally by surprise!
I am not at my best when I’m sick, and this made it worse. I was an emotional mess up until I actually got sick. Now that I’ve more or less recovered from it, I’m feeling a whole lot better physically and mentally.
It’s weird how that works. I’ve had colds and not felt this out of sorts. Then again, colds are not the flu.
At least this isn’t 1989… the last time I was really, really sick with first a cold, then the flu, then it all turned into walking pneumonia with me being one day away from being admitted to the hospital. I never want to be that sick ever again.
But, that’s a story for another day.
That’s all from the Big Blue Couch
–MorelaterZ–
02.05.08
Oh, I got it
(I think)
February———–>Stef
February—–>Stef
February–>Stef
February->Stef
FebruaryStef
FebruarSytef
Okay, okay… what I was trying to illustrate above was that I hit a brick wall called February.
Move along… nothing to see here.
That’s all from the Big Blue Couch.
–MorelaterZ–
02.02.08
I hate it when I can’t remember names!
A gal from the American Government class I took last summer saw me at WalMart yesterday and we got to chit chatting. Turns out that she is setting up a Philosophy Club at school and invited me to join. I said that I would like to and she said she’d email me some info to my school email address.
I remembered her in particular because when the summer session began last summer, she was about two weeks away from giving birth to her fourth child. The only thing I couldn’t remember was her name.
Her name is unusual now, but was popular in another generation. I thought maybe it was Alexis, but that’s not it. Then I thought it was Athena, but that’s the name of the baby girl she had while in this class (and managed to keep up with the classwork during the two weeks she was out).
Naomi? No…
Heidi? No.
It just kills me that I can’t remember, because it’s there on the tip of my tongue. I guess I’ll just have to wait for her email in the next couple of weeks.
I usually don’t have trouble remembering people’s names. But I think because I’ve seen so many people during the year I’ve been at Rose State, that names and faces don’t get a chance to sink in.
But there are others I do remember: Krystal (she was in both my English Comp classes); Kyle (English Comp I); Kalea (various broadcasting classes, and my summer math class until she decided to transfer to Oklahoma City Community College); Steve (the same Government class as the gal whose name I don’t remember); Anthony (History of Life and Photo II)…
But it’s going to bug me until I remember it.
That’s all from the Big Blue Couch.
–MorelaterZ–
02.01.08
My birthday –and other things
I just wrote this long post on my other blog dealing with my goals for my upcoming birthday on the 9th of this month. I probably should have written it here, but the other blog gets more hits. Sad but true.
Since I do have a tendency to ramble on, so I’ll try to keep this short.
If you love yourself, others will love you, too.
Be the best YOU you know how to be.
Be true to yourself.
Take advice if you need it; offer advice only when asked.
One I didn’t list on the other blog is this one: if a person means something to you, be they a friend, a lover, or someone you respect… remember their birthday. It’s always nice to be remembered. If you remembered the date but forgot to say anything at the time (we all get busy with our own lives, I know), let them know that you were thinking about them.
If it’s going to strain your budget, don’t buy a gift. The gift of your friendship is enough for some people.
Including me.
That’s all from the Big Blue Couch
–MorelaterZ–
